Sasuke's New Technique: A Crackfic
by Ginkaishoku
Summary: Sasuke is wandering to his favorite training grounds when Naruto decides it's time to show off his newest jutsu. Little does he know that Sasuke has an even more devious jutsu up his sleeve, and both boys are far from ready for the disastrous results.


**A/N Time:** Alright, This one is dedicated to (add theatrical drumroll)

The Mistress of Humor: Pasta Shark Okaa-chan!

To truly understand the "Cosplayer no Jutsu" you MUST watch the Naruto skit called "Narutards" on Youtube or somewhere. I laughed so freaking hard, and then this became my brainchild afterward.

I was originally going to do it as a skit with my friends, and I might someday in the future, but that didn't work out so I decided to write a dramatized version for all of you lovely readers.

Tell me what you think, give me hints on humor ('cuz I'm new to Crackfics) or flame me for making Sas-gay look stupid, I don't care as long as I get some (very appreciated) form of feedback.

With much love,

Murasaki Yuki

**Now, on to the horror! Wait, I mean story!**

** X **

Uchiha Sasuke, 12-year-old prodigy/object of admiration (and extreme fangirlistic love, in many cases) of Konohagakure, walked lazily down the dusty road towards his favorite training area on the edge of the village.

His thoughts focused on a new jutsu, revenge and tomatoes, he didn't notice the obnoxious blonde boy with whiskers who reeked of shark-flavored ramen following him as quietly as his pathetic and unrefined tracking skills allowed. A blur of orange could be seen between shadows as he stalked the poor, unfortunate future victim who casually glanced at the training grounds in appraisal.

Entering the training grounds the ebony-haired boy set down his bag and withdrew his weapons. Unbeknownst to him, a young rival did the same in the shade of a large tree.

"Oi, Sasuke-teme! I want to challenge you to a training spar!" Naruto yelled as his shuriken landed next to the prodigy's head in a tree. Turning his chicken-butt resembling head, Sasuke glared at Naruto with what has now been dubbed the GAG (Gaara Approved Glare) and successfully looked aloof at the same time. He is called a prodigy, is he not?

"Whatever, Dobe." He managed to say as he emo-slouched his way into the middle of the training field, ready to squash the upstart blonde who dared interrupt the time he was going to train his 'Amazing New Technique'

"Don't whatever me Teme! Jiraiya just taught me a technique that'll fry your ass!" Naruto yelled angrily and set off into a series of hand seals.

"Summoning Technique: Cosplayer no Jutsu!" Naruto shouted, slamming his freshly-bitten thumb to the ground.

Sasuke stared in horror at the hideous creatures that appeared. They're were two of them, both slouching and drooling in an ugly display of stupidity.

"What the hell are those?" Sasuke demanded, an accusing finger pointed at Naruto's summons. One of the creatures looked up at him and made a sound that was somewhere between a burp and a scream and Sasuke flinched back involuntarily.

"Fine, if you want to show off those…. Things, then I'll show you a jutsu that will leave you bruised for weeks!" Sasuke shouted, beginning his own series of hand seals, slamming his hand to the ground as well.

"Summoning Technique: Army of Fangirls!" The dark-haired Konoha bishonen shouted, a cloud of…. Pink smoke? enveloping him. Naruto froze in apprehension (he wouldn't admit he was afraid) as he waited what seemed like _forever_ for the smoke to dissipate around his teammate.

The smoke had cleared enough for Naruto to see Sasuke when the afore mentioned heard dark chuckling, and then, even more terrifying, _girly giggling!_ As Naruto saw the sillouettes of human figures all around his teammate, he decided to attack.

"Cosplayers, go!" he said pointing his finger in Sasuke's general direction. Sasuke looked at the pathetic creations and smirked (amazing, isn't it?) as they charged, and were quickly dispatched by a single kunai per monster. In the forehead.

Naruto blanched, having no idea how serious his problems were going to be in the near future. He looked from where his summons had 'poofed' away in tiny clouds of grey smoke, to the revealed horde behind Sasuke.

Fangirls. Hundreds of them, many that were konoichi, or at least holding dangerous looking items. Sakura, Ino, Ten Ten, a red-headed ninja with glasses and weird hair, and even Ayame, the girl from Ichiraku was there, holding a metal spoon next to a blushing Hinata.

"Wait, Ten Ten, weren't you going out with "Destiny Boy?" Naruto asked. Ten Ten shook her head dejectedly and sighed.

"You don't have to date someone to think they're hot, Naruto!" Ino reprimanded the boy, angry that he could be so insensitive to a girl that was obviously dumped.

"What about you Hinata? I thought you had a crush on me!" the blonde asked, his face contorted in depression. Ayame put her hand on the blushing girl's should comfortingly.

"Ever heard of SasuHina?" Ayame asked, looking at her (supposedly) favorite customer like he was a retard. Naruto looked at Sasuke again, only to find his smirk gone and a look of impatient annoyance on his face.

"Get rid of him, he's bugging me." Sasuke said, looking away from his rival in (mock) disgust. Naruto hesitated for a moment, then ran for his pitiful life as the girls gave chase.

Naruto didn't make it very far before he was pumbled by Fangirls. Sasuke flinched as he heard the defeated scream of "Uncle!" from his so called 'best friend' who was lying half-beaten to death on the ground 12 yards away.

Then, suddenly, everything went quiet, and the ebony-haired boy turned his head slowly to look at the scene of Naruto's defeat. Naruto lay in a broken huddle on the ground, sporting painful looking bruises, bumps and cuts. But, for some reason, Sasuke still felt unease like he was about to be attacked. (Because we all know the Uchiha have a Spidey Sense, duh!)

The prodigy turned his head slowly from the gruesome scene to the army of fangirls, and nearly crapped his pants at the sight. All of the girls were staring at him in a devilish way that Sasuke new well, and desperately hated.

"MY JUTSU BACKFIRED!" He screamed as he turned his heel and ran into the sunset, his horde of adoring fangirls dropping their weapons (but keeping any ropes that _were_ going to be nooses for Naruto) and following him into what is now…

**The End**


End file.
